Stop trying to buy love, police urge men

Ohangwena police have pleaded with men to stop trying to buy love, saying if they gift their partners items, they should do so with sincere hearts and not later collect the gifts once the relationship ends.

These comments were part of a presentation by Ohangwena police spokesperson, sergeant Andrew Nghiyolwa, last Friday during a men’s conference held at Okongo under the theme ‘Everyone deserves to live free from violence’.

Crimes involving gender-based violence (GBV) were the majority recorded in Ohangwena during 2021/2022, with over 3 000 cases opened.

Of these, there are currently about 710 people behind bars in the region for GBV-related crimes, Nghiyolwa said.

Safe space for men

He said men should stop abusing women and girls and focus on creating a safer space for them, but admitted that “men feel they have no safe space to go to”.

“This is what prompted us to start these meetings. This is their safe space. We are educating them on life topics and how they can navigate romantic relationships,” he said.

“Men are afraid to speak out. This is why in Oshiwambo they say ‘iilila yomulumenhu okondjebo’ [a loose translation is that Owambo men don’t cry at funerals, instead they bring guns to fire off shots into the air – the gunshots, then, act as their tears]. We advise them on the importance of reporting violence committed against them and avoid taking the law into their own hands,” the spokesperson said.

Nghiyolwa - who also doubles as community affairs officer in the region - said men have complained that they are not listened to when they visit police stations to open cases on violence committed against them, especially by women.

Can’t buy love

“You cannot buy love. If you are giving, do it willingly. Tomorrow, don’t come and point out what you gifted me just because I no longer want to be involved with you. Or I have decided not to do something you have asked me to,” Nghiyolwa stressed. The men nodded in agreement.

He said nowadays relationships have become too materialistic, which frustrates men when they are unable to provide. This, he said, should stop.

“Every day we report too many killings, be it by pistol, knife or fist, and it should come to an end,” he said.

Rape

The spokesperson said Ohangwena recorded 185 rape cases during 2021/22.

He added that the community should join hands with the police to stop violence.

It is also concerning that when perpetrators are questioned during their trials about why they rape children, they often cite that “the children look like their mothers”, he said.

Constituency councillor Efraim Shipindo applauded the police for keeping up with these meetings. He said men suffer in silence, resulting to high crime rates in the constituency.

He urged men to spend more time at home instead of at cuca shops so they can assist women in raising their children.

Ending GBV

Petrus Mwaamenge started a men’s association in February to engage sons in their constituency with the hope of ending GBV in the area.

“The primary purpose of this organisation is more on the social well-being, that we educate each other on life.

“In the long run, it is to live in a crime-free society safe for our women and children,” he said.

So far, the meetings have taken place in nine of Ohangwena’s 12 constituencies, with gatherings planned for Epembe, Omundaungilo and Oshikunde next.

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