The balancing act
A lonely childhood led to early and unanticipated adulthood for one learner who now has to balance her exams with potty training.
After falling pregnant in Grade 8, Rosie (not her real name) was determined to finish her studies and has proved that having a baby and finishing school is possible, albeit tough.
When she walked in for her interview, she was yawning and her eyes were red. She looked like she had hardly slept and she barely managed to sit up and tried hard to stay awake. “I am sorry, but I am so tired. I have been preparing for the upcoming April examinations and I wake up at 02:00 in the morning to study,” she says. Rosie is mother to a three-year-old boy and she says being a mother at her age is not easy. “After giving birth, I had to give up on so many things, things that a girl of my age should not have sacrificed.”
Growing up, she was a depressed and suicidal child. She grew up with her younger male cousin and her grandmother in Okahandja and she always felt her grandmother favoured her cousin. “I never felt her love growing up. She always sided with my cousin. Maybe she loved me, but she had a weird way of showing it,” she said. Rosie was convinced that she was not loved and she would always use every chance she could to stay out of the house. “It got to the point where the streets were my happy place. A friend's house would be my happy place,” she said. She attempted suicide when she was in Grade 7 at age 13. She said she had taken an overdose of tablets but she could not pinpoint what triggered the act. “I cried myself to sleep after drinking the pills, but I woke up feeling nauseated and with a banging sound in my head.” When her grandmother and mother found her, their reaction surprised her. “They mocked me and called me 'stupid and attention-seeking' for trying to kill myself.” After giving her fresh milk to drink, her grandmother and mother took her to a pastor to pray and wish her well. “I have a very good relationship with my father so it broke my heart when we got home from church and when my father saw me he broke down. He started blaming himself and he asked me if he was a good father,” a teary Rosie said.
She later moved to Windhoek to stay with her mother and to complete her Grade 7. Admitting that she has “authority issues” Rosie and her mother never saw eye-to-eye because she was not allowed to do a lot of things, like going to play outside or having a chat with children of her age. By the time Rosie reached Grade 8, she said she was “dead inside.” Her mother took her to see a psychologist to fight her “suicide demons”, but it did not help much because Rosie said her mother was to blame for it. “My psychologist made me promise to never try and kill myself again and things got a bit better,” said Rosie.
In October 2013, she met her son's father and she said one event led to another. “During the December holidays, we would go for walks to the shops and talk. Things kind of happened fast and we started dating.”
At the age of 14, she had her first sexual encounter with him and she could not believe what happened. “My virginity was my pride so I felt so ashamed of myself. I chased him out of my mother's house where it happened and I cried that day.” During the April school holidays of 2014 and in Grade 9, Rosie noticed that her body was changing. “I just gained a lot of weight and I used to eat a lot. I would go for seconds and thirds and I would still want more,” she said.
After a few discussions with her closest uncle, Rosie managed to get a home pregnancy test and the results were positive. “I just went numb. I did not really know what to do or say at that point,” Rosie explained. Schools reopened in May and she had to go to school with a little boy growing inside her. “I think everything started sinking in when my baby first moved. I started crying and then I realised that the pregnancy was real.
After welcoming her healthy baby boy in August 2014, Rosie had to restructure her life. “Being a teenage mother is not easy, especially if you are not the one taking care of your baby financially and you are being constantly reminded of that. My mother always reminds me about that fact and it hurts me a lot, because I want to help where I can,” Rosie said. Her relationship with her mother worsened after the birth of her child and the fights become more and more frequent. “I have been called so many things in my life… a disgrace, embarrassment and disgusting.” She said the only reason why she chooses to stay at home is because of her son.
“I need the support structure so that my child is taken care of and I can finish school. Otherwise, I can give him nothing but the life I have.”
TUNOHOLE MUNGOBA
When she walked in for her interview, she was yawning and her eyes were red. She looked like she had hardly slept and she barely managed to sit up and tried hard to stay awake. “I am sorry, but I am so tired. I have been preparing for the upcoming April examinations and I wake up at 02:00 in the morning to study,” she says. Rosie is mother to a three-year-old boy and she says being a mother at her age is not easy. “After giving birth, I had to give up on so many things, things that a girl of my age should not have sacrificed.”
Growing up, she was a depressed and suicidal child. She grew up with her younger male cousin and her grandmother in Okahandja and she always felt her grandmother favoured her cousin. “I never felt her love growing up. She always sided with my cousin. Maybe she loved me, but she had a weird way of showing it,” she said. Rosie was convinced that she was not loved and she would always use every chance she could to stay out of the house. “It got to the point where the streets were my happy place. A friend's house would be my happy place,” she said. She attempted suicide when she was in Grade 7 at age 13. She said she had taken an overdose of tablets but she could not pinpoint what triggered the act. “I cried myself to sleep after drinking the pills, but I woke up feeling nauseated and with a banging sound in my head.” When her grandmother and mother found her, their reaction surprised her. “They mocked me and called me 'stupid and attention-seeking' for trying to kill myself.” After giving her fresh milk to drink, her grandmother and mother took her to a pastor to pray and wish her well. “I have a very good relationship with my father so it broke my heart when we got home from church and when my father saw me he broke down. He started blaming himself and he asked me if he was a good father,” a teary Rosie said.
She later moved to Windhoek to stay with her mother and to complete her Grade 7. Admitting that she has “authority issues” Rosie and her mother never saw eye-to-eye because she was not allowed to do a lot of things, like going to play outside or having a chat with children of her age. By the time Rosie reached Grade 8, she said she was “dead inside.” Her mother took her to see a psychologist to fight her “suicide demons”, but it did not help much because Rosie said her mother was to blame for it. “My psychologist made me promise to never try and kill myself again and things got a bit better,” said Rosie.
In October 2013, she met her son's father and she said one event led to another. “During the December holidays, we would go for walks to the shops and talk. Things kind of happened fast and we started dating.”
At the age of 14, she had her first sexual encounter with him and she could not believe what happened. “My virginity was my pride so I felt so ashamed of myself. I chased him out of my mother's house where it happened and I cried that day.” During the April school holidays of 2014 and in Grade 9, Rosie noticed that her body was changing. “I just gained a lot of weight and I used to eat a lot. I would go for seconds and thirds and I would still want more,” she said.
After a few discussions with her closest uncle, Rosie managed to get a home pregnancy test and the results were positive. “I just went numb. I did not really know what to do or say at that point,” Rosie explained. Schools reopened in May and she had to go to school with a little boy growing inside her. “I think everything started sinking in when my baby first moved. I started crying and then I realised that the pregnancy was real.
After welcoming her healthy baby boy in August 2014, Rosie had to restructure her life. “Being a teenage mother is not easy, especially if you are not the one taking care of your baby financially and you are being constantly reminded of that. My mother always reminds me about that fact and it hurts me a lot, because I want to help where I can,” Rosie said. Her relationship with her mother worsened after the birth of her child and the fights become more and more frequent. “I have been called so many things in my life… a disgrace, embarrassment and disgusting.” She said the only reason why she chooses to stay at home is because of her son.
“I need the support structure so that my child is taken care of and I can finish school. Otherwise, I can give him nothing but the life I have.”
TUNOHOLE MUNGOBA
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